12/25/2005
Valium Liberation Army
When I take over the world all vitamins
will also be m&m’s, broccoli plants everywhere will
wither up and die, and everyone will carry
their own personal escape hatch, like the black
holes in cartoons, around with them, initially
in a backpack, but probably over time they
can be made slim enough to fold up
and shove in a pocket. Gold will
become a national currency and all the candy
stores will also sell drugs. Any pirates then
imprisoned will be freed and reinstated as political
prisoners, provided they get a skull and crossbones
tattooed somewhere on their persons, not to be
removed until they retire or move to the
suburbs. All schools will distribute birth control,
anyone and everyone will have the right to express
themselves sexually, sensually or violently with as
many or as few people as they please provided
everyone involved has given informed consent.
Rainbow lasers will be made available to turn people
any color of their choosing and body modification
will be celebrated as a new form of art—
museums shall be established filled with living models,
there as volunteers or under contract for set
periods of time, and over time some may
donate their body to art post-mortem, and they
may be stuffed and displayed, or skinned and
the interesting patches framed.
Linguisticians will be hired to invent a new
set of non-gender specific words for each
specific language, and children will be
taught to always address a person with these
unless/until they have made a gender preference
clear, and in any case gender will be rendered
totally optional.
Bdsm will be given the non-profit status of a
major religion, and important days – like the birth of
Marquis de Sade – will be integrated into Judeo-Christian
calendars.
Teachers will be forced to take all their own
exams preceding each school year, and all their students’
grades will be curved according to the
teachers’ own results.
Public areas of self-expression will be
established, and anyone running for public office
must give one exterior wall of
their home over to the people as
a sort of public graffiti forum, which they
may not wash or paint over until their
term ends. Bratty children
of any age will all be placed in zoos. And I
will have a harem, composed of 1-3 representatives of
each reformed nation, and once I have slept with
all of them will step down from office, thus setting
strong precedent in term limits for the next
ruler. ¶ 5:12 AM
will also be m&m’s, broccoli plants everywhere will
wither up and die, and everyone will carry
their own personal escape hatch, like the black
holes in cartoons, around with them, initially
in a backpack, but probably over time they
can be made slim enough to fold up
and shove in a pocket. Gold will
become a national currency and all the candy
stores will also sell drugs. Any pirates then
imprisoned will be freed and reinstated as political
prisoners, provided they get a skull and crossbones
tattooed somewhere on their persons, not to be
removed until they retire or move to the
suburbs. All schools will distribute birth control,
anyone and everyone will have the right to express
themselves sexually, sensually or violently with as
many or as few people as they please provided
everyone involved has given informed consent.
Rainbow lasers will be made available to turn people
any color of their choosing and body modification
will be celebrated as a new form of art—
museums shall be established filled with living models,
there as volunteers or under contract for set
periods of time, and over time some may
donate their body to art post-mortem, and they
may be stuffed and displayed, or skinned and
the interesting patches framed.
Linguisticians will be hired to invent a new
set of non-gender specific words for each
specific language, and children will be
taught to always address a person with these
unless/until they have made a gender preference
clear, and in any case gender will be rendered
totally optional.
Bdsm will be given the non-profit status of a
major religion, and important days – like the birth of
Marquis de Sade – will be integrated into Judeo-Christian
calendars.
Teachers will be forced to take all their own
exams preceding each school year, and all their students’
grades will be curved according to the
teachers’ own results.
Public areas of self-expression will be
established, and anyone running for public office
must give one exterior wall of
their home over to the people as
a sort of public graffiti forum, which they
may not wash or paint over until their
term ends. Bratty children
of any age will all be placed in zoos. And I
will have a harem, composed of 1-3 representatives of
each reformed nation, and once I have slept with
all of them will step down from office, thus setting
strong precedent in term limits for the next
ruler. ¶ 5:12 AM
