Tired or Afraid or What Taz complains/comments lately often how I
frequently don’t want to think about things
anymore. I answer “I don’t know....I
don’t know” to most of his questions and if
he continues I tell him I don’t want to think
about it. And, as Taz frequently points out
(lately) he likes people who think
about things. But more and more I find
myself wanting not to have to think about
anything at all. Did I do so much thinking
in college that my brain is shortly
burned out? Am I falling back into my
mind? I’m not hallucinating or anything.
Perhaps I am afraid of something. Of
finding something? It seems like I ought to
think about something. But lately everything I
fantasize about is not thinking. Lying in
someone’s arms – not thinking. Messing around
in bed – not thinking. Getting whipped until
I cried—the pain keeps me from thinking.
Am I tired or afraid or what?  ¶ 6:05 PM