Sometimes Waking Up Alone Some time ago I told J. about my Grandma calling me Shana Madela. He calls me that sometimes, when we are close....or says it rather, the way you might say 'honey' or 'darling' if it was actually someone's name. And I think things like that come more naturally from females but I love hearing him say my name like that. It sounds like a kiss along my spine. I always thought it was something only she would say, as though when I died I would hear her saying that but never in between. It sounds natural in his mouth though. Sometimes I wish I could fall asleep with him but I always imagine myself waking up alone.  ¶ 12:20 AM