I’m supposed to be working on my Barbie-doll

costume, but I need to write. I’m going

psycho. Yesterday during the workshops I

could see colors, floating across

the surface of the air like brightly

colored drops of oil floating across

the surface of the water. I could even

see the air ripple underneathe them as they

shimmered about, the way water ripples

gently under moving oil. After

some practice I could even make the

colors move in different patterns, side to

side, up and down. It was cool. I’d

write down what color they were, but

they weren’t. They were all the colors, but

they weren’t white. They were no colors,

but they wren’t black. It was so cool.

Like a place where all the colors in the

world gathered to a few intense spots.

I sort of think sideways first.

Then I see sideways, and you can kind of

see light images of things, like when you close

youreyes, and open them to a bright

light, like a camera flash. Then you stare

at one of them, and theres place in reality.

You have to stare at the right reality check

spot, otherwise it doesn’t work, but I

always know which is the right one. I tried

staring at the wrong spot once, to see

what would happen, and I just faded back

into reality. Boring. Anyway, you stare

at the right spot, and you can see the

air dissolve, and get thinner. First all the

little light shadows come dance around it.

Then the air dissolves into a clear

sandy thing, sort of like staring through

a screen of transparent sugar

granules, and watching them slide away.

Then a few drops of the, the, the

un-colors (yes, that is what I will call

them) the un-colors ooze in from

the place that was beyond the grainy

air. Then the drops float around on the

air. So do the light shadows and they

sort of play with the un-colors.

Sometimes the light shadows look like things

but don’t. One beautiful one, for example,

looks like a running horse that is

standing still. It doesn’t look anything

like a horse. But I can not-see

it, and I know it is the light

shadow of a running horse that is

standing still.

Back to the uncolors. As I said

several times before they are very much

like oil on water. Making

them move works the same way. Try

putting your hand or finger into a jar

of water someone put some oil into.

When you move your hands different ways,

the oil moves different ways. Just

because you puch your hands

to the right doesn’t mean that the oil

will go to the right. The same goes

for the uncolors, except that you use

your thought to move them.

You have to use a special kind of

thought though, and I can’t put it into

words.

¶ 7:55 AM